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<title>The One Where Stiles Catches Derek Jackin' It (aka 'Holy Shit Derek Has a Huge Cock') by sardonicunt</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23220598">The One Where Stiles Catches Derek Jackin' It (aka 'Holy Shit Derek Has a Huge Cock')</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sardonicunt/pseuds/sardonicunt'>sardonicunt</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Teen Wolf (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Derek Hale Has a Big Dick, Derek Is So Done, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Masturbation, Stiles Stilinski is a Little Shit, stiles catches derek lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:08:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>992</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23220598</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sardonicunt/pseuds/sardonicunt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>So stiles accidentally walked in on Derek masturbating. Oops, poor Derek... can he just have peaceful me time for like 10 minutes :(</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The One Where Stiles Catches Derek Jackin' It (aka 'Holy Shit Derek Has a Huge Cock')</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Anyways this is my first work !! wrote it at 1:30 am on my notebook because I got my electronics taken away and was bored lol.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Heyyy Der- HOLY SHIT!"</p><p>Derek whips his hand off his dick and scrambles to cover up with his sheets. Sheets that <em>he and Stiles bought together</em>, mind you. <em>Oh my god, that means that Derek MASTURBATES ON SHEETS THAT STILES BOUGHT</em>. He is officially deceased.</p><p>"Stiles, if you don't get the fuck out in 5 seconds, I will literally fucking gut you," Derek deadpans, cheeks blazing redder by the second.</p><p>Stiles just gapes at him.</p><p>"Dude, yeah, you can totally gut me- that shit was like at least 10 inches man. Oh my GOD, Derek Hale has a massive cock I FUCKING KNEW IT!" He jumps around and flails his arms like a total spazz but sue him, he just got to see the dick that hangs off Beacon Hills' most notorious smoky hot angry alpha.</p><p>Derek snarls and flings the sheets off to the floor before lunging at Stiles, who just barely dodges him before booking it out of Derek's <strong>DO NOT ENTER</strong> room for his life.</p><p>"Dude, I juked you so hard hA HA!" Stiles cackles as he whizzes past the table and jumps over the sofa to escape Derek's wrath. He dares a peek behind him for <strong>one </strong>second, before being knocked down to the floor by a VERY angry, muscular, and <em>oh my god he's still naked</em> Derek Hale.</p><p>"-oof asshole," Stiles punches out as Derek grabs both his hands and pins him to the ugly rug in the living room- <em>jeez who put this here- </em>as he sits <em>straight</em> on his crotch, <em>oh god end his pathetic excuse of a life</em>. </p><p>"You- are- fucking- UNBELIEVABLE," Derek roars as he half wolfs out- eyes glowing red, teeth all pointy ready to rip Stiles' eyeballs out- <em>eyeballs that are totally not staring at Derek's dick, </em>he's not a pervert, man &gt;;(</p><p>"Calm down sourwolf, I promise not to tell anyone that I totally caught you off guard, wanking your huge fucking cock. How did you not hear me man? I like- tripped twice on my way to your room," he laughs nervously, as the grip on his wrists gets tighter and he's pushed into the floor more. </p><p>
  <em>Not the right time to get a hard on. Go down lil Stiles. </em>
</p><p>He digs his teeth into his bottom lip and takes a peek up into Derek's red eyes, his pretty brown doe-eyes melting the anger and alpha right out of Derek. Dammit, why does he have such a soft spot for this moronic kid, and his stupid pretty lips and his little moles and his elfish nose- <em>shut up Derek!</em></p><p>"I was distracted, shut the fuck up. We are never, ever, mentioning this happened to anyone. Do I make myself <strong>clear</strong>," Derek growls in a low voice, sending tingles all up Stiles' body and totally not to his dick.<em> Oh god just end his suffering.</em></p><p>"<em>Sir, yes sir,</em> yes Mr. Alpha Hale. Me comprendo. Your dick is like, still half hard in my face, oh my god, please lemme suck you off?" He pouts and does his best impression of a puppy face. Scott would be proud.</p><p>He's answered by a pillow smothering his face before the large body on top of him jumps up and sprints back to his room. That should teach him to lock his door. <em>Stiles is totally not gonna go home and masturbate for 10 hours. No sir.</em></p><p>~~~~~~~</p><p>They pretend it didn’t happen for like a week. But like, Derek is ignoring him. Stiles keeps trying to talk to Derek, but the salty bitch won’t even look at him in the eye.</p><p>They’re all at a pack meeting when it finally goes to shit</p><p>“Derek. Oh Dereeek. DEREK HALE!” Stiles pokes him in the shoulder like a literal toddler as Derek inhales deeply, slides his glasses back up, and counts to 10- because anger management is important. Poor Derek is just trying to read a book.</p><p>“Oh hey is that Harry Potter? Fucking nerd.”</p><p>“Stiles, leave him alone. He looks like he’s about 3 seconds away from ripping your hand off sweetie,” Erica pans from her seat across the living room, hands busy braiding Issac’s hair.</p><p>“Jesus, calm your tits, I’m just trying to talk to him. He’s ignoring me, but doesn’t know that <em>I will literally follow him to the ends of the Earth and bother him unless he stops being a PUSSY</em>! I’m fucking horny and need some massive werewolf cock to fill me up-” Stiles teases as he peeks at Derek to gauge his reaction. He’s got him now, haha.</p><p>Derek’s eyes glow red as he slams his book shut, mouth curling into a scowl as he puts his hands on his face.</p><p>“-not gonna fuck his creepy uncle, def not fucking Scott, and Isaac is a total fucking bott- <em>OW</em>!” Stiles yelps as he gets whacked across the head by Issac and falls on his ass. <em>Oh hello, ugly carpet.</em></p><p>His eyes grow wide as he sees Derek loom over him, before getting his mouth covered by a massive hand <em>that touched Derek’s dick.</em></p><p>“<em>MMpfff, mmmMmMhhpg</em>!” Stiles struggles, before attempting to wiggle his tongue out between his lips to freak Derek out. His hand flies off Stiles’ face. <em>Stiles: 2, Derek: 0.</em></p><p>“One more word out of you, and see what will happen. I dare you,” Derek gets all up in his face, and Stiles can totally get an up close of his green hazel grey <em>totally unfairly pretty eyes</em>. He stares at Derek with his mouth hanging open. They stare at each other for 5 long seconds before Derek hoists him up by the armpits and starts to drag him into his room.</p><p>“Ow OW I AM GETTING RUG BURN ON MY DELICATE ASS, ASSHOLE,” Stiles wails as he gets carried down the hallway.</p><p>“Yeah go get him Der! Finally, he can get laid and stop being so stuck up,” Erica supplies unhelpfully. Issac just nods with his eyes half open.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>don't forget to leave a kudos or comments :) i'd like feedback on my writing. Im a bit rusty lol</p></blockquote></div></div>
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